The Secret To A Happy Old Age

Source : The Straits Times, Sunday, Aug 26, 2007

Work till 67 and live till 80? Instead of jumping for joy, why does the thought of that depress me so?

ALTHOUGH the Prime Minister's National Day Rally speech last Sunday contained good news, I found myself feeling alarmed, then depressed, as I listened to it.

Two things got me feeling blue - the fact that I'll be able to work till I'm 67, up from the current retirement age of 62, and that the life expectancy for Singaporeans has risen dramatically to 80, with many living even longer.

Yes, I do realise I sound ungrateful.

Who would not be happy to be assured of being gainfully employed up to his late 60s, and so still have an income stream to pay for life's necessities not to mention a few treats? And who does not want to live up to a ripe old age?

Thing is, the reality might not be so rosy.

The living-past-80 scenario got me really worried.

It's just a general statistic, of course, and does not necessarily apply to me.

But I've always worked on the assumption that I won't live beyond, at most, 70. In fact, given the prevalence of diseases, especially female-related ones, I'm aware that I might even have to bid this world adieu in my 60s or even 50s.

And when it comes to work, the currently mandated 62 has always seemed a good time to say goodbye to a cubicle existence.

I've been planning my life and finances based on these scenarios.

Recently, I employed the services of a financial adviser to chart my 'financial roadmap'. She gave me a list of questions to answer, among them when I hoped to retire or 'achieve financial freedom'.

I thought hard about it.

While I enjoy my work, there will be a time to call journalism quits.

I could take my leave at 62, but between leaving when I'm still performing and wanted, and waiting till I hit 62 and getting that letter telling me to go, isn't it better for my ego to opt for the former?

Fifty-eight, I reckoned, would be a good age to retire. I could walk out with my head held high and have another 12 years or so left of my life to pursue other interests.

As to the income I'd need, I told the adviser that I'd want to maintain my current standard of living.

A few weeks later, I received my 'comprehensive financial plan'. The prognosis was bad.

To retire at 58 and continue living the way I do, I'd need to accumulate much, much more money than I now have to my name.

And if I took into account expenses should I fall sick or become permanently disabled, I was looking at a mind-blowing shortfall.

And that is a scenario based on me conking out in my 70s. To be now told there was a chance I could live beyond 80 wasn't good news at all.

And while a later retirement age would help financially, must so much of one's life really be devoted to the baleful boredom and nasty politics that constitute the bulk of working life?

I went to bed last Sunday feeling disturbed.

TRUTH be told, it isn't really the burdensome financial aspects that keep me awake. Nor is it the thought of toiling away at the keyboards for more years on end.

Basically, I'm just afraid of old age.

Maybe it's because of the way Singapore society regards the old.

There is concern for them, even pity, but when a person no longer contributes economically, his value in society dives. Unless you are (or were) an important or rich person, old people tend to get short shrift.

There's also no running away from how age brings inexorable mental and physical decline. It's enough to sometimes make me think that it's better to live fast, die young and leave a beautiful corpse, like James Dean and Marilyn Monroe.

The ideal would be what the PM described as a 'rectangular' life - to have a happy and meaningful life for as long as you live and then a quick and painless end.

But life isn't so neat and I've seen enough examples of harrowing old age to be afraid. My father was bedridden for seven painful years, hooked to a feeding tube, before he died.

So what is one to do? How does one confront old age with the right attitude?

Then again, maybe it won't be that bad. Maybe the prospect of growing old is more horrifying than actually growing old.

When I was in my 20s and 30s, the idea of ever hitting 40 horrified me. Would there be anything worth living for at that age, I wondered.

But to be completely honest - and I'm not being defensive or self-deluded here - I'm actually happier and more at peace today than I was in my 30s and definitely in my 20s.

Yes, my skin was tauter and hair more lustrous back then, but I was also insecure, full of tantrums, overly sensitive and too demanding of everyone, everything and myself. It's not a place I'd want to revisit.

The issue is whether this equanimity I feel now at 43 can continue when I hit 53, 63 or, heaven forbid, older. Or will there come a time when the good vibes just die?

In the end, it's back to that old chestnut, the meaning of life, isn't it?

Everyone - young and old - is searching for validation and happiness. Some do it via others (a spouse, mate or children). Others seek material goods for fulfilment (a snazzier car, a nicer apartment). Yet others rely on religion and acts of altruism.

How does one be happy?

Perhaps a key could lie in the ability to find joy in what you already have right here and right now, rather than hankering for something grander in a future that will never come.

Maybe it's about appreciating the moment and finding happiness in what you might otherwise take for granted - an SMS from someone you're deeply in love with, say, or discovering a song that speaks to you, or just soaking in the beauty of a rainy day.

Then again, perhaps I've got it all wrong. I've probably not eaten enough salt to know the answers on how best I should brace myself for that journey towards old age.

If you who are older and wiser have the answers, please let me know. sumiko@sph.com.sg